Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
