you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
