The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
