So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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