dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
