I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
