sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
