Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
