i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize