i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
