the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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