Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
