I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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