laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
