Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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