she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
