guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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