im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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