There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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