can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
