Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
