If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
