I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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