i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
