I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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