butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
