I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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