I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
