please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
