so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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