Don't you send me to vm
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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