About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
