Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
