Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
