You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
