Acid is not a monday night drug
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
