Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
