Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
