I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
