Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
