yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
