$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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