he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We don't watch enough power rangers
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
