This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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