I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
