Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
