Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
