it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize