her vagine was all disorganized.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
