If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
