this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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