do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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