My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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