ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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