Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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