My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
