I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
