She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Randomize
