she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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