she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
