And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
