Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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