I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize