Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize