Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
