That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
