sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
