I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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