So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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