Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
