I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
