$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
