We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
