we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
