My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize
