He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
