She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
