no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
