Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
