how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
