Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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