Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
