I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize