this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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