Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
