wat bout pragnant strippers??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
