hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
