NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
