Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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