Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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