my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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